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I have no idea how to explain this match in anything resembling a coherent paragraph. Of course it went the full 60. This was Punk's final IWA match, advertised and delivered. In a wonderful twist, he didn't go out with a 60-minute mat classic, he went out with a 60-minute tribute to Chris Candido and any other funny motherfucker that's ever stepped foot in a ring. It was awe-inspiring ridiculousness. I'm going to do this in bullet points.
* Match starts, Punk tells Delirious that IWA is his house, and he helped build it. Delirious, in his gibberish language, talks shit at him for at least four minutes running, non-stop, then ends it with a big flex. Delirious flexes several more times. Punk eventually kicks him in the gut.
*Punk goes on offense, but all Delirious is doing is sticking his fingers in his own mouth so he can wipe it all over Punk's face. Punk notices, and keeps preventing it from happening.
*They argue about hair pulling, Delirious accusing Punk, then recruiting a small child as a witness. Punk threatens Delirious and the child with fisticuffs.
*Punk accuses Delirious a few moments later, who does not deny it.
*They then wrestled a bit.
*Delirious got an armbar locked on, which went from Ring #1 to Ring #2, then out to the floor and around the entire building until Punk got to the ring bell and rang it, which scared Delirious enough that he let go.
*I think they wrestled some more and did some more light comedy. Punk did end up with his pants down at one point, and Delirious hid under the ring for a while.
*Punk went under the ring and found a Delirious mask. This freaked Delirious out, so he went back under the ring.
*Someone emerged from under the ring, but it wasn't Delirious. It was Shelirious - a female Delirious. This was pretty much the point when I fully understood that nothing about this was going to make the slightest bit of sense. It was obvious who Shelirious was, but who cares? That's at least a quarter of the point. Delirious and Shelirious teamed up on Punk, who went back under the ring.
*A Golden Vampire emerged from under the ring with Punk. It was also obvious who this was, but who cares?
*It turned into a tag match - Punk & Golden Vampire v. Delirious & Shelirious.
Golden Vampire accidentally did a bunch of armbreakers over the ropes to Punk, who then went back under the ring because he was upset about this.
Punk re-emerged with the Delirious mask, and all three Delirious-masked combatants attacked the Golden Vampire. He was then pinned and eliminated.
*Shelirious was eliminated next.
*Punk took the mask off and the match returned to something vaguely resembling a state of normalcy.
*The time limit eventually ran out.
Ridiculous. Punk got a big sendoff, including Chris Hero coming out to wish him well, and left to the old OLE! OLE OLE OLE! music. It was heartfelt and moving and touching and all that. Best of luck to Punk, I hope he makes millions of dollars. This was as good a sendoff as I could've hoped for.
Credit:Scott Christ
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